On The Road or A Traveller's soul

So this post is about working from home. I warned you, it's about to get personal.

I live in my R.V. 

That was a situational decision. It's much cheaper to live this way than to try to rent a house or apartment. On our small income there was no way to afford even the cheapest of places and where we lived at the time of the decision the 'Government Housing' list was a mile long with a three year wait. *Sigh*

Living with friends and relatives, while cheap, was a nightmare. Three small children do not a good roomate make. Bless You all loved ones who put up with us while we were in the slump and practically homeless. 

So. R.V. it was. My mom helped with the cost of getting set up, we gave away, donated, threw away almost everything we owned. The rest went into a mini-storage.

I had expected to be upset and mourning the loss. Instead I felt liberated, free, as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 

My husband was away on the road for work so I bought and hauled home the tiny R.V. trailer with my mom following close behind in her car, in case I had a problem. It was exhilarating. It was exciting! It was the bravest thing I could remember ever doing.

I moved myself and my children into the trailer. Lucky for us they were small enough that it wasn't too tight a fit. The closest r.v. park was in the next town over so that's where we went. South East Texas is not exactly a resort area. 

Within weeks my husband changed jobs. Again. It sucked. 

Some things happened. Not exactly bad, just disappointing and depressing.

We made the decision to move to Oklahoma. Our families hated it. They were angry with us.(side note; we both have large extended families and most of them live in SE Tex. so leaving the bosom of relatives was frowned upon even if it meant we had to be dependent on them forever.) (families, gotta love 'em)

But it was the best thing to do at the time. Had to follow the jobs.

Since then we've moved several times and changed trailers and travelling companions. We've made friends in the oddest of places and been blessed with help out of the blue and at the least expected moments.

Someday I'll tell you all how I became a believer in Santa Claus again. 

Someday I'll tell you about the strip club owner that tried to recruit me.

Someday I'll tell you how I sweet talked a tireshop guy into not charging me for a tire to replace my flat spare.

Someday, someday, someday I'll write memoirs that will make my great-grandkids blush and say "Hell Yeah, what a life!"

Somewhere along the way I realized a few things.

I realized that I love travelling. 

I realized that I had been a traveller my whole life and not known it. 

I realized that I thrive on adversity and conflict. 

I realized that I am strong, independent and capable.

But after all this time I'm stuck in one place. I now have two r.v.s and two trucks. And a trucker husband who is never home. My eldest is old enough to get a driver's license but, hell, I can't trust him on a bicycle so I'm terrified of helping him get his license.

I'm feeling that itch. That urge. I can't explain it. Four years we've been here in Cheyenne and I absolutely love it. But there is something calling me. Something that says it's time to move on.

Four years is a long time in one place. As an adult I don't recall ever being in one place more than four years. As a kid I was constantly shifted from one parent to another. From one place to another. 

I learned to live out of a backpack and not treasure any one possession too much for fear it would be lost.

Yet, here I am. Stuck. I'm getting antsy. I'm getting nervous and stressed. The truck needs repairs before it can haul another trailer. The smaller trailer can't get registered for the road and I can't even sell it (Don't ask, it's too complicated.).

And my husband seems to be stuck working in Oklahoma again. Far away from us.

I'm at the point that I want to give away a bunch of stuff just to be rid of it. Including the small r.v.

The bigger trailer is more trouble to pack up. And heavy. But it suits us.

I'm doing all this alone for now.

Alone with three kids and a neurotic cat.

The original idea after moving here was to purchase property and settle down. It never happened. Now I wonder if I would be feeling this way if we had. Would I still watch the cars on the highway and wish I could be on the road again? 

Or would I have settled into life as a landowner and been content with the occasional road trip?

I don't know. I don't know a lot of things. 

I do know that I'm sick of sitting here waiting for something to break loose. I'm sick of doing this alone.

I'm sick of the people around me questioning everything I do despite the fact that I have proven myself a thousand times over.

While I wait and stress and pace and wish I could just pack up and go, there is only one thing I can do for myself. One thing I have control over.

My writing. It is a bright shining light in the darkness. Not because I see it as a money maker although that would be nice. But because I decide what happens in that world. I make things happen.

Good things, bad things, indifferent things. They are mine to create.

I have limited control over my own life right now. So I express everything through my characters.

My frustrations and fears. My hope as well as my anger.

Life is a journey.

Life is an adventure.

At least I keep telling myself that.

I have a quote that I love, can't remember where I found it:

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "....holy shit....what a ride!!!""

by Mavis Leyrer of Seattle, age 83 (at the time of the quote)

I try to be prepared for anything.

 Broke down, broke and stranded? check the backpack for water, snacks and an extra blanket.

 Run out of food before payday? homemade biscuits and gravy, Y'all. easiest, cheapest thing to make that fills ya up.

Plumbings busted? Truck Stop shower. 

Computer crashed? Go use the library computers.

 Zombie attack?  Well..er..RUN LIKE HELL! I can't help you with that one.

The world is a wondrous place and I'm glad to be in it. Shitty economy be damned. I love my life despite the bad times. I may be having a little trouble right now but things will get better. I know they will.

I have faith. I'll be on the road again soon.

And I have a computer and net connection so I can complain all I want and you can't do a damn thing about it!LOL!

(BTW, Santa Claus drives a big black SUV)